Happy Festivus, everybody!

I got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're gonna hear about it!

John Sidney McCain III. Back in my younger years, I thought you were a man of honor and integrity. But this past year has shown you for what you truly are: a vicious, senile old coot who's mad because the world changed while you were napping. Time to retire.

San Francisco Giants bandwagoners. On second thought, bandwagon fans of any successful sports team. You all suck.

Soccer player Nigel de Jong, probably the dirtiest on the planet. That kick you leveled on Xabi Alonso in the World Cup final made for scary and spectacular video, but on the field it was a colossal dick move. You're lucky you didn't break any of his ribs, asshole.

On that same note, the French national team for playing like children on the field and acting like spoiled brats off it. Grow up.

Whoever thought it was okay to take Blake Edwards, Leslie Nielsen, Peter Graves, John Forsythe, Rue McClanahan, Dennis Hopper, my fellow Eagle Scout Jack Murtha, J.D. Salinger, world's (un)luckiest man Tsutomu Yamaguchi, Richard Holbrooke, Elizabeth Edwards, John Wooden, Sparky Anderson, Bobby Thomson and Bob Feller. But thanks for taking Steinbrenner.

Car manufacturers that refuse to offer manual transmissions—and for that matter, lazy Americans who can't be arsed to learn how to work a clutch. It gives you a little workout and saves you gas, what's not to like? (And on that note, please watch this video.)

Bud Selig, for refusing to overturn the blown call that denied Armando Galarraga the 21st perfect game in Major League Baseball history. For a man who talks about "the integrity of the game," you sure are short on action.

Lew Wolff, majority owner of my beloved Oakland Athletics, for trying to move the team to San Jose. Although the way things are going, it looks like you'll be stuck in Oakland…with all the civic leaders you pissed off. Consider it a preview of Hell.

Larry Ellison, for not buying the Warriors. Could you please atone for this by buying out Lew's share of the A's? We'd still love to have a sugar daddy at the Coliseum complex.

My old friend James McCanna, for being all the way at the other end of California finishing up his master's at UC San Diego. Dude, come back home to the Bay. We miss you.

And finally, my girlfriend Roxanne—because I feel like I don't get to see you enough! I know this may sound sorta whiny, but 3-4 weekends a month and the occasional lunch in San Francisco doesn't seem like an adequate amount of time with you. I love you, teddybear. :-*

So ends my airing of grievances. Enjoy dinner by the aluminum pole, and happy Festivus!

I is a podcaster!

Forgive me for lapsing into lolspeak (and also for violating my promise to post here more often). But yeah, I am now doing a podcast and it's quite a lot of fun. It's called Cinematic Spin, and it's just me and my old friend Big Dave Senden reviewing movies. Our first victim was Tron Legacy, and we agreed that while the plot is skinny, it's not a movie you watch for the story. Here's where you can find it, and feel free to buzz us with feedback—our contact info is at the end.